The past few weeks have presented me with a myriad of scenarios that have required me to pick winners and loser.
For example, the Nevada caucus, (Winner = Trump, Loser = Ted Cruz), NBA trade deadline, (Winner = Detroit Pistons, Loser = Clippers), and the last couple episodes of New Girl, (Winner = EVERYONE those episodes were amazing, Loser = Zoey Deschannel because honestly the show is better with out you, what if you just stayed away and Winston became “The New Girl”? That would be awesome!
This most recent episode of the Bachelor certainly had some winners and losers in both our league, and on the the show. Let’s take a look!
Winner: Carter – Mr. Big Shot himself had a solid week and was able to increase his lead to 100 points over The Shanana. They have clearly established themselves as the top dawgz and if the Shanana wants to win he is going to have to nail the BBPs for the final couple episodes. Also, on a lesser note, some other winners in our league are Brock, Cassidy, and Ronnie’s Ribs all of whom had solid weeks and will be fiercely competing for spots 3-5 in the final standings.
Loser: Everyone else. We tried hard but it just wasn’t our year.
Winner: Fakies! Man was JoJo killing it in that red number during the rose ceremony. Hands down the most impressive moment of the season thus far. She really LOCKED IT DOWN! with that dress and the work she had done certainly paid off. I’m not sure that she would have made it over Amanda if it wasn’t for her increased frontal buoyancy.
Loser: Other types of cosmetic surgeries. Oh man, JoJo’s mom. Yeesh. IDK what to say but that was not enjoyable to look at. Although, I did enjoy her downing the champagne straight from the bottle.
She started drinking before they showed up and probably hasn’t stopped drinking since.
½ Loser: Amanda’s shirt – It just didn’t quite work. I love the attempt but either she needs more elastic up top, some boning (like bridesmaid’s dresses have sometimes), or some bigger something’s to anchor it up with. You will be missed Amanda!
Winner: Akron Ohio. Huh? You may be muttering. Let me explain. Caila is from Hudson, Ohio which is an “affluent suburb of Akron, Ohio”. It’s a good time to be there. Lebron is back.
Johnny Manziel is gone.
And didn’t it seem very similar to Warsaw Germany? Or Poland? Help me out Carter? Is it near the country Equator? Oh no, wait, it’s Warsaw Indiana. Both Ben and Caila have the same jobs, and live in towns that seem very similar. Both very white and very boring. Warsaw is so white in fact that Caila’s mom is the FIRST Philipino that Ben has ever met. It’s been a period of culture expansion for Ben. He has now met his first black girl (RIP Jubs), and first Philipino!
Loser: Families – To say the least, Ben had some interesting experiences this week with the families. First, kids. Those girls were adorable and totally Instagram ready with their pig tails, laced up gladiator sandals, and cute beach outfits.
However, Ben isn’t ready to be “insta-dad” and that shown through. At least the girls aren’t old enough to remember that time a random guy showed up and was all over their mom with a bunch of people watching and filming it. Second, sisters. Mollie Bushnell, Lauren’s sister, seemed to be a bit jealous of her sister. It seemed that she may have even tried to flirt with Ben a bit. Maybe she should be the next bachelorette? I’d be down. Anyways, she didn’t come off as a particularly happy that her sister is about to win the bachelor. Also, JoJo’s sister. Yup, she has a sister, who was promptly introduced and then forgotten because… Third loser under the family category, the brothers JoJo. These guys kinda sucked. But, they did make some good points. I’m not sure Ben really likes any of these girls that much. And I’m not sure they really like him that much. I think they might just like the the idea of liking the bachelor, and the brothers were on to it. We could do without all the wrist accessories and awkward thin fabric shawl collar Henley style pullover though. Last and final loser in the family category, Dads. Ben didn’t ask a single dad for their permission to ask their daughter’s hand in marriage. Interesting. He really didn’t even say anything about marriage, family life, or future plans. Once again, not really sure how much Ben is liking these girls. Hot take! Ben and Lauren B. get “engaged” at the end of the episode. It lasts less than a year and they both continue their normal lives but now way more famous.
Last winner: Chad! – this guy! If he even is a real guy. How serendipitous that he happens to send her roses with a lovely note right before ben shows up. And odd that she didn’t recognize the hand writing of her previous serious boyfriend. So probably not a real thing, but big ups to Chad for getting paid to throw his name into the bachelor. Keep getting them checks homie!
Until next week and producer approved boning!
Updated Leader Board
1) Carter – 2885 Points
2) Shane – 2785 Points
3) Cass – 2440 Points
4) Ronnie – 2365 Points
5) Brock – 2340 Points
6) Everyone else lost so I’m not going to go through it all.
the game of love 